Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
