you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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