I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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