it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
