i think i scared a bird with my dick
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
