I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
