I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
should my penis look like a turkey
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
