All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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