you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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