Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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