Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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