I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
