Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
