so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
