Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
