everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
