I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
