From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
