Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
