I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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