Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
