everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
