Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
