Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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