Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
