when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I am available for nakedness
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
