I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
