I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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long story
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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