so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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