it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
