That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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