I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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