Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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