I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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