I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
