i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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