well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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