i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
