oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
