from now on my penis is your penis
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
