I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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