So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
