I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
