Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
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Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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