Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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