Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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