4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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