dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
