Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You can't just leave with hair like that
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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