i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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