btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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