You did not just play the dead husband card again.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
