Whod you bang
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
