her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
