so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
