So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
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