After last night, I could never be a politician.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
