At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
