woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Quick, to the slutcave!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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