You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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