Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
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If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
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A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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