so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
