I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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