currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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